🎈 Micro Distractions Are Killing Your Connections

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There I was meeting new people at my friends' birthday party.

"I am so happy for you! No more mortgage. Hell yes." I said to her. We had been talking about her transition to financial freedom.

Then things went sideways.

Her eyes went to her phone. She started scrolling through her notes app. As she did this, she asked me: "How about you? Where are you living right now?"

I paused to think... Is this person really this socially-unaware? She's going to have a conversation with me while scrolling through their notes...

Then, I mustered the strength.

"I have a policy of not having conversations with people who are on their phones. Do you want to carry on when you're done?"

The energy shifted. She became closed-off. The conversation ended.

I said to myself "Guess I need to learn how to be a softer communicator."

The question I have for you is this: Has this happened to you? How did it make you feel? Did you speak up to tell someone they were distracted?

Chances are, you felt ignored. You felt invisible. You felt kinda crappy.

This is what micro-distractions do. They make people feel kinda crappy. In small doses.

What is a micro-distraction? A short, micro-lapse in attention during an interpersonal interaction.

Ex: Glancing at your phone, waving at someone behind the person you're speaking with, pointing something out in the environment in the middle of conversation.

Some may say, "micro-distractions are normal. It's impossible to maintain crystal clear attention on human connection. Give yourself a break. Let yourself be distracted for once."

But let me ask you this. Are 'normal' interactions healthy? If you're reading my blog, you likely reject 'default social norms' and you want more. You also know the answer — NO.

Most 'normal' interactions are hardly interactions. They are people taking turns speaking, with no actual listening, empathy, attention, or care.

So. To the people who say micro-distractions are normal: raise your standards for your interpersonal interactions!

Overcoming micro-distractions is one path to deeper human connection. When your attention is resiliently focused on the person in front of you, you'll make them feel like they're the only human that exists when they're with you. Who doesn't want to make someone feel this way?