🎈 Shameless Joy is my New Aspiration

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“The skills of becoming happy turn out to be almost entirely different from the skills of not being sad, not being anxious, or not being angry.”
― Martin E.P. Seligman, founder of Positive Psychology

I recently returned from an intense retreat focused on shadow work: processing the negative emotions we often suppress. On the final day, an activity involved everyone giving me exaggerated, ruthless feedback, designed to crack me open emotionally.

Here’s what they said.

You’re fake.
You’re a boy.
You’re spiritually bypassing.
You’re afraid of pain.
You’re inauthentic.
You’re an attention whore.

Let me clarify two things.

First, I understand the importance of feeling negative emotions, being vulnerable, and letting out a cry. I’ve been there and done that. However, I no longer carry much of those emotions. It feels like I’ve reprogrammed my brain toward joy. Joy is not my mask to hide pain—it’s my authentic state, hard-earned and real.

Second, if I only received negative feedback like this, I’d take it seriously. But I don’t. The people closest to me love my joy. They know it’s the result of effort, processing, and difficult experiences—like my darkness retreat, where I spent days in complete darkness to confront my inner shadows.. So do my thousands of supporters who read my articles and watch my videos. You must always weigh negative feedback against the positive.

Back to the feedback activity…

As I sat in front of the group receiving their feedback, I held back a laugh. It was entertaining because I’ve heard it so many times before. I receive similar comments from miserable people online every day. While sitting there, I had flashbacks to reading those online remarks—the ones that used to hurt but no longer do.

Why do I get this feedback? Some people can’t believe my joyfulness is real. And that’s exactly why this situation has empowered me. I’m reaching a point in my life where I’ve cultivated so much cheerfulness and genuine excitement for living that some say, “It must be fake.” My joy makes certain people uncomfortable.

Receiving this feedback at the retreat (and online constantly) confirms I’m on the right path. I’m stepping into courageous joy and accepting the risks. But there’s one final step I must take…

Shameless joy.

Since going viral online and receiving thousands of “you’re fake” comments, I’ve learned that joy is a foreign emotion for some. This makes sense. Here’s why.

Our world rewards toughness, seriousness, and stoicism. The more serious you are, the more credible, successful, and intelligent you’re perceived to be. Culture tells us leaders shouldn’t be joyful because joy can’t be trusted. Leaders shouldn’t be goofy, playful, or full of laughter. Culture also insists joy must be earned or confined to specific moments—holidays, victories, or milestones.

That’s nonsense.

Shameless joy is choosing to be enthusiastic and upbeat, even when others disapprove, even when there’s no apparent reason.

Shameless joy is remembering a simple truth for living well: “Find the people who celebrate your joy, not your misery!”

Shameless joy is attracting those who love your joyfulness and amplify it, not those who question it.