🎈 Shameless Joy

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“The skills of becoming happy turn out to be almost entirely different from the skills of not being sad, not being anxious, or not being angry.”
― Martin E.P. Seligman, founder of Positive Psychology

I recently returned from an intense retreat focused on shadow work: processing the negative emotions we often suppress. On the final day, an activity involved everyone giving me exaggerated, ruthless feedback, designed to crack me open emotionally.

Here’s what they said.

You’re fake.
You’re a boy.
You’re spiritually bypassing.
You’re afraid of pain.
You’re inauthentic.
You’re an attention whore.

Let me clarify two things.

First, I understand the importance of feeling negative emotions, being vulnerable, and letting out a cry. I’ve been there and done that. However, I no longer carry much of those emotions. It feels like I’ve reprogrammed my brain toward joy. Joy is not my mask to hide pain—it’s my authentic state, hard-earned and real.

Second, if I only received negative feedback like this, I’d take it seriously. But I don’t. The people closest to me love my joy. They know it’s the result of effort, processing, and difficult experiences—like my darkness retreat, where I spent days in complete darkness to confront my inner shadows.. So do my thousands of supporters who read my articles and watch my videos. You must always weigh negative feedback against the positive.

Back to the feedback activity…

As I sat in front of the group receiving their feedback, I held back a laugh. It was entertaining because I’ve heard it so many times before. I receive similar comments from miserable people online every day. While sitting there, I had flashbacks to reading those online remarks—the ones that used to hurt but no longer do.

Why do I get this feedback? Some people can’t believe my joyfulness is real. And that’s exactly why this situation has empowered me. I’m reaching a point in my life where I’ve cultivated so much cheerfulness and genuine excitement for living that some say, “It must be fake.” My joy makes certain people uncomfortable.

Receiving this feedback at the retreat (and online constantly) confirms I’m on the right path. I’m stepping into courageous joy and accepting the risks. But there’s one final step I must take…

Shameless joy.

Since going viral online and receiving thousands of “you’re fake” comments, I’ve learned that joy is a foreign emotion for some. This makes sense. Here’s why.

Our world rewards toughness, seriousness, and stoicism. The more serious you are, the more credible, successful, and intelligent you’re perceived to be. Culture tells us leaders shouldn’t be joyful because joy can’t be trusted. Leaders shouldn’t be goofy, playful, or full of laughter. Culture also insists joy must be earned or confined to specific moments—holidays, victories, or milestones.

That’s nonsense.

Shameless joy is choosing to be enthusiastic and upbeat, even when others disapprove, even when there’s no apparent reason.

Shameless joy is remembering a simple truth for living well: “Find the people who celebrate your joy, not your misery!”

Shameless joy is attracting those who love your joyfulness and amplify it, not those who question it.

Shameless joy isn’t about suppressing sadness or anger. It’s about rewiring your brain to default to joy without caring what others think.

When you embrace shameless joy, expect some people to dislike you. And that’s okay—you don’t want those people in your life. You want those who value joy and see it as courage.

In a world filled with suffering, depression, and anxiety, your shameless joy may be misunderstood or even repulsive to a few. But it’s worth the risk. Here’s why:

• Joy is good for the world. People desperately need more joy, optimism, and lightheartedness. In an uncertain, divided world, your joy benefits others.

• Joy is good for you. It heals your arteries, cells, and organs. It’s the ultimate antidepressant for your mind and an anti-inflammatory for your body.

• Joy is good for the naysayers. When someone is annoyed by your joy, it’s a chance for them to wake up and confront their toxic mindset toward positive emotions.

So, how do you cultivate shameless joy?

The social wiring of our species is your greatest tool. Start by finding your PPP: Positive Peer Pod—people who want to thrive, elevate their vibe, and rewire their brains toward gratitude, compassion, and joy. Seek them out in communities, online groups, or local meetups where positivity is celebrated.

By the way, sadness and anger directly harm your body. You shouldn’t suppress them, but you should reduce them as much as possible.

Your PPP will help you build the four essential mental circuits of shameless joy.

1. Protect Your Vitality

Joy lives in the body, and optimizing your biology grants you more vitality. Most people slowly poison themselves daily. Don’t be like them.

Focus on the holy trinity—sleep, diet, and exercise—in that order. Over time, your vitality will blossom, and others will feel it. Joyful vitality becomes your default biological state.

Try these tricks to make it easier:

• Track Your Sleep Like a Game. Turn sleep into a high-score challenge. Use an app or notebook to track hours and consistency, aiming for 7+ hours nightly. When you hit your goal, give yourself a mental fist-bump and say, “Nailed it, Vitality Champion!” This makes sleep exciting.

• Swap One “Energy Vampire” Food. Pick one junk food (like soda) and replace it with a nutrient-packed snack (like berries). Call the old food an “energy vampire” and the new one a “supercharge snack.” When you swap, say, “Take that, vampire! I’m powering up!” It’s a fun way to eat better.

• Move Like You’re Dancing with Joy. Choose a quick, fun movement—walk, stretch, or dance—for 5–10 minutes to upbeat music. Imagine you’re “dancing with joy” and say, “I’m shaking out the blahs and charging my joy battery!” This makes exercise feel like a celebration.

2. Laugh at the Human Mind

Detach from the ego’s seriousness. See the absurdity of your worries. Render your inner critic powerless. When negative thoughts, anger, irritation, or self-criticism arise, I smile and say to myself, “There’s my sly ego trying to hijack me again. Isn’t it funny being human?”

When people act irrationally or reactively, I smile and think, “There’s the primitive ego again. We’re just animals doing our best, thinking we’re smarter than we are.”

When the mind shows its primitive stupidity, learn to be entertained. That’s how I ended up laughing while 50 people threw insults at me. It brought me joy.

The key is to intercept default perceptions and replace negative thoughts with better ones. When someone mistreats you and you feel upset, intervene with satirical thoughts. Satirize the mind—yours and others’. It will save you much suffering.

Try these tricks to make it easier:

• Call Out “Brain Farts.” When a negative thought pops up, label it a “brain fart” or give it a goofy name, like “Grumpy Gremlin.” Say, “Oh, Grumpy Gremlin’s back with its nonsense!” This makes the thought less serious and easier to laugh off.

• Blow It Out of Proportion. Exaggerate worries to absurd levels. If your mind says, “I’m a failure,” think, “Right, I’m so bad I’ve ruined the entire universe!” The ridiculousness will make you smile and break the worry cycle.

• Turn Your Ego into a Cartoon. Picture your ego as a silly character, like a pompous squirrel or dramatic villain. When it says, “You’re not good enough,” imagine the squirrel squeaking it. Tell it, “Nice try, Squirrely, but you’re not in charge!” This makes your ego less intimidating.

3. Cultivate Excitement for Connection

Every time I meet someone new, I’m genuinely excited to learn about their life. People sense this and open up, often becoming vulnerable.

My history of sparking meaningful, often transformational, connections with people has made me eager to ask questions and understand someone’s story. The goal is genuine excitement to listen and learn—not to share your own story, but to celebrate theirs.

This excitement stems from these beliefs:

• All humans have wisdom and joy locked inside.

• All humans have fascinating, surprising life experiences.

• All humans are alive, just waiting for permission to show it.

Try these tricks to make it easier:

• Play the “Story Treasure Hunt” Game. Treat every conversation like a treasure hunt. Ask an open-ended question, like, “What’s a moment that shaped you?” and listen for the “gems” in their answer. When they share, think, “Found a treasure!” This turns listening into an adventure that sparks excitement.

• Mirror Their Energy with a Joyful Twist. When someone shares something exciting, match their vibe with a smile or nod, then add a joyful comment like, “That’s so cool, tell me more!” Call it your “joy echo.” If they’re pumped about a hobby, say, “I’m catching your vibe—that sounds epic!” This makes connection fun.

• Collect “Human Sparkle” Moments. Look for one unique trait or story in every interaction—a “human sparkle.” After a chat, note their contagious laugh or cool story and think, “Another sparkle for my collection!” This trains you to celebrate others’ uniqueness, fueling your excitement.

4. Forgive Their Resistance

Some will criticize your joy. They’re called joy-judgers. And they’ll give you labels like:

• Naïve

• Annoying

• Unrealistic

• Childish

• Distracting

• Cringey

• “Too much”

Remember: these labels are projections from people who haven’t allowed themselves to feel joy. Their discomfort isn’t your truth. Forgive them for their dysfunctional relationship with joy and wish them well. Reframe their resistance as evidence of your courage.

If everyone likes you, you’re not being shamelessly joyful.

Focus on the positive impact your joy has. Look at the smiling faces, open arms, and dance moves you ignite in others. Stop asking for feedback from joy-judgers. Stop giving them your valuable attention. Stop apologizing to them. Joy-judgers are already in a negative, ego-driven state. And your joy just might awaken them from it.

Try these tricks to make it easier:

• Reframe Criticism as a “Joy Badge.” Turn resistance into a “joy badge”—proof you’re living boldly. If you’re called “too much,” say, “Earned another badge for shining!” Collect these like trophies for courage. This makes criticism feel like a win.

• Send a Silent “Joy Wish.” When criticized, pause and silently wish, “May you find your own joy.” Picture them smiling, free from negativity. Think, “Joy wish sent—mission accomplished!” This compassionate act softens hurt and keeps you centered in joy.

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Let me be clear. Shameless joy is not about getting validation. It’s not about being the most liked. It’s not about being inappropriately loud or energetic. It’s not about avoiding seriousness, sadness, or silence.

Shameless joy is for you, for those receptive to it, and for the culture we’re transforming. Your joy is your gift, your rebellion, your medicine.

Be shameless. Be radiant. Be a source of aliveness in a culture that’s forgotten how.

— Jacques