🎈The Practice of Interpersonal Surrender

Distinguish what you can control (your behavior) and what you can’t control (others’ behavior). Make this a mental routine.

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One fact.

Humans are unpredictable creatures.

One truth.

Life might be a lot better if you embraced this fact and didn't react.

If you didn't react to their irrational reactions, actions, and words.

If you didn't react when they didn't live up to your expectations.

If you didn't react when they hurt you.

This is the practice of interpersonal surrender. You may be familiar with this term, surrender. It was popularized in the book, The Surrender Experiment. The essence of surrender is going with the flow, and not resisting what arises in your moment. This lack of resistance applies to your circumstances and thoughts too.

A lot of things can arise in an interpersonal moment that cause you to think "What is wrong with this person?" This is resistance. It's a desire for things to be different.

What would it be like to embrace the unpredictability, emotionality, and irrationality of the humans you encounter? To stop battling and punishing it, and instead accept it wholeheartedly? To let go of your desire for this human to be different, in this moment?

Another way of practicing interpersonal surrender is this. Stop desiring for people to change right here and now. Let them react, let them be upset, let them yell. Accept that this is what is happening, right here, right now.

Embrace all of their humanity, the good and the bad.

What happens, you ask, when you start this practice?

What you bring to a relationship is amplified. You bring acceptance and calm. You bring conflict resolution, not conflict manufacture.